Kevin Said:

Please Help...im very upset about my baby?? :(?

We Answered:

You have my sympathies - it is very traumatic to go through a miscarriage like that. It is a terrible traumatic shock which men who havent been through it, with the best will in the world, will not understand. You sound as though you could be a little depressed about it too - it would be worth seeing your doctor - I have just surfaced from a very bad year (miscarriage and three deaths in the family) and it does knock you for six, whatever anyone says. I am sorry that your husband isn't being very supportive, I am sure he is worried about you but men don't tend to be very good communicators. Also, he may not be ready for another child himself, and getting pregnant under those circumstances might put your relationship under even more pressure. Don't worry about your age - time isn't running out just yet. I had a miscarriage last year and an abortion 10 years ago which I regretted bitterly afterwards - but my life was'nt in the right place then. I don't know if it is going to work out, but I am now 6 weeks pregnant at the age of 41. My mum had me at 41 and my brother at 45 so it really is possible later in life. I'm not saying you'll want to leave it that late, but another 3 or 4 years won't put you at risk of never having children again. You just need to live healthily, eat well, minimise stress - there are lots of books on the subject. If I were you, I would accept his idea of no more children for 4 years or so - but secretly give yourself a year or so to get your relationship back on track - then see how the land lies. You never know what to do for the best with family - until 3 parents died last year my husband and I were so busy going back and forth looking after them, I guess we would have been less able to cope then with the baby we dearly wanted, and at least we were able to do our best for the rest of our family while they were here. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Jay Said:

Very very very upset about my baby...please help!!! :(?

We Answered:

I was 13 weeks when i lost my second baby, and you have just described the way i lost mine. However my husband supported me.
I suffered really bad depressing when i lost my baby, but was silly enough to try straight away for another baby. I fell the following month! I already had a 7 month old son when i lost our second, and there is 16months between my 2 kids. I should have waited and grieved for the one i lost but didn't. Give your self time to come to terms with it. I always wanted three kids but the hubby doesn't want any more. Im 29 this May and my 2 kids are 8 and 6.
I don't think time is running out for you but i do think you need to sit down with your husband and talk this though. How about trying for the next baby whilst on holiday?!
Why don't you put little one to bed, cook a nice romantic dinner, candles and stuff, bottle of wine and talk over your feelings?
I know how your feeling. Sorry about your loss. I hope it works out in your favour! good luck X

Travis Said:

Choosing a job, London or Melbourne?

We Answered:

That's a really tough decision and I really don't know which one I'd be going for.

The London job being what you want to pursue as a career is a plus; the long commute is a decided minus, but it sounds like the Melbourne job may have better prospects which should offer you an exciting and lucrative future, even if it's not exactly what you had in mind.

Melbourne's a great city but I wouldn't say that Keilor Park is going to be exciting in any way. Public transport out there isn't as good as in many other areas, so you're probably going to have to drive and that will add to your expenses, but out that far, the commute time will be MUCH less than 90 minutes if you choose somewhere not too far away. Be warned though, it's very suburban/industrial and the parts I've seen weren't very attractive at all. It's a fair way from the city though it doesn't take long at all to get there by car out of peak times. I'd look for a place to live around Pascoe Vale, Essendon, Moonee Ponds which are between Keilor Park and the city, so you'll be driving in the opposite direction to most of the traffic to get to and from work.

Another thing. I'd look into that Melbourne pay again. 35-40k is really lousy pay even for a new graduate, especially when you consider that our minimum wage for completely unskilled workers is over $28k and many of them will earn overtime or tips, whereas you are most unlikely to get anything extra. I would expect an absolute minimum of $45k and probably over $50k in your field.

Have you looked into the visa question? If it's for only 6 months, a Working Holiday visa would do the trick if you have an eligible passport (UK, Ireland, Canada, some EU countries), but even though the visa is for 12 months, 6 months is your maximum with any employer and immigration are utterly inflexible about that.

On balance, I'd say go for the Melbourne job, mainly because you sound like the adventurous type and I reckon you'll regret it if you don't.