Georgia Said:

University of San Francisco admittance essay...?

We Answered:

You need to do some serious revising.
This essay is supposed to be about you, and it should be less about your experience. your experience has already been included on the common application.
You need to talk more about how you will make this world a "humane and just world" it shows that you like community service, but you didn't include any of your long term goals of how you will make the world a better place. This essay basically summed up what schools you went to, and how much you enjoy serving the community, which is great, but you also need to talk about how you will promote these skills, etc. Overall, you need to show more critical thinking.

Also, you do not need to put in the prompt as in the last paragraph. The admissions office are already aware of the prompt. Try to cut that down or summarize in your own words to show you understand their mission.

Darren Said:

University of San Francisco admittance essay...?

We Answered:

It's heavily oriented toward the religious area of your life. Perhaps a dose of truth would be to your advantage.