Kay Said:

Would you Critique my cover letter please? The parts in [_____] are things I'm having issues with:?

We Answered:

Start by saying:

Please find enclosed a copy of my resume in application for the position of...

Having reviewed the job description I am enthusiastic about working for a company which [offers xyz] (tailor to company)

Instead of "will help me become" use "would make me"

In the what ive done paragraph prioritise the bits which are mentioned in the job description's "key skills". I imagine your resume is more general about the skills you offer so you dont need to list it all in your cover, maybe you can pick out a few examples of when you've used the skills though.

(I would advise altering your resume for each job application though, moving different sections and focusing on how you meet your new jobs requirements)

What you can expect of me section:

instead of saying "company owners and managers" just say "Senior Management"

"provide" instead of "process"

from "with regards" onward you can delete the rest of the sentence as it becomes to long and meandering.

maintaing THE balance

student's has an apostrophe

after "oportunities", lose the "and".

Dont say your company, say the actual name of the company

[instruction, on which you and your students rely]


The close can lose the contact details as those should be provided below your address at the top right of page. I wuld go for:

I appreciate your review of my credentials and experience and welcome an interview to discuss this position further.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours Sincerely




NAME IN CAPITALS

One final note, dont use the word "and" after a comma as it is grammatically incorrect.


BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR APPLICATIONS AND HOPE YOU AREN'T OUT OF THE GAME TO LONG!

Mario Said:

Would you Critique my cover letter please? The parts in [_____] are things I'm having issues with:?

We Answered:

First para: Please accept my application for the position of [Title of the vacant job position]...

Third para: There is no need to include [with regards] continue as "such as promotions, employee scheduling and training.

Third para: The sentence - I seek opportunities and to use my skills and can be ready to deliver on very short notice. Should be re-written as:

"I seek opportunities to use my skills and am ready to deliver on very short notice."

Third para: Use this [knowledge on which students can rely.] instead of [instruction on which students can rely.]

Include: Enclosure: Resume